Look who's back! Yes, it's me after a long case of school works, org 
application, writer's block, and house renovation, I've finally posted after a 
long long while. Hey, this may not be a great fic but at least I've finished.And 
I would like to say welcome to 2 people: CYAM who I found out, IS my classmate 
in ENGLISH 100 (you go girl!!!) and DYOSA, a friend since way back... 'pre... 
'tol.... WELCOME (mwaaa!!!!!)!

TITLE: NOT THIS TIME 
AUTHOR: flori-dono
RATING: g
CHARACTERS: misao and aoshi
TEASER: aoshi and misao finally talk things over. The time for pretences are 
over. 
DISCLAIMERS: rk is owned by nobuhiro watsuki. not this time by cultured pearls. 
Standard disclaimers apply.
WARNING: MUSH! MUSH! MUSH!!!! Even I cringe at the amountof mush in this fic!
NOTES: Yeah, I'm trying for a musical ^_^.  And yes, this is the same semi-
angsty a&m fic. It may even sound/read like some of the other fics. But since 
I've been writing genki-genki-happy-happy-joy-joy a&m fics, I think of straying 
from my usual norm. I hope you'll enjoy it just the same.

***
I've been sitting on my bed
With a glass on my hand
Tryin' to figure out a way for me to understand
Through this talk we've just had
***

Misao's tears fell slowly one by one. She promised herself that she wouldn't cry 
but there she was, sitting in one corner of her room, shedding tears. 

She tucked the stray strand of hair behind her ear. She seldom wear her hair 
loose, but now she was too tired to plait it. Too tired of thinking about, of 
hoping for something that she knew was hopeless. She was just too exhausted 
trying. She might as well give up. Failure was something she found hard to 
accept; but when he said it to her directly, so pointedly it hurt, she knew that 
she had to.

He didn't love her. He said so. Had even told her to try living her life alone. 
She didn't cry like what she was doing now. She had even smiled, and told him 
that it was a good idea. That perhaps, it would be for the best. She tried 
giving the impression that she didn't care. But she knew it was a lie. A stupid, 
stupid lie.

***
The questions I have asked somebody yesterday
About the sign that's in your eyes
About the biggest smile
All your face in the way
***
      
And what? To find out that he had come out of his shell. He had stopped 
retreating to his shield which he called meditation. What did that mean? That 
she was the shadow that kept him in the dark? Was that it? 

She couldn't describe her surprise when Aoshi joined them for breakfast that 
morning. A sort of smile on his face. She haven't seen him do that for a long 
time and to realize that he did after having that talk with her, it was just too 
much.

Everybody noticed it too. Okina and the others were giving her questioning looks 
but she could only lower her gaze. She couldn't answer them. She didn't know how 
to. 

"Aoshi-sama's smiling because he knows I'm out of his way."

And that answer would only solicit more questions and... and...

So once again, she smiled. More brightly than she used to. She even smiled at 
him. That had taken him aback. And she smiled all the more. Enjoying the 
confusion in his eyes. She wanted to tell him that if he was fine, she was too. 
But what was she doing now? Why wasn't she feeling fine now?


***
Questions I had asked somebody
How you feel only eyes reveal
Your answer's not for real
But I can't read your mind
(Oh) Not this time
***

He stared at the door of her room. He had hoped that Misao would forget him in 
time but not this soon. Admittedly, it hurt. Seeing her smile at him, at the 
others. Going on with breakfast like it was nothing. She seemed like her usual 
self. He just hoped that he could do the same. Telling her to stop meddling with 
his affairs, to live her own life was difficult for him. Specially when he 
wanted for her to do the opposite. He wanted her to live her life with him. 
Forever if possible. But he knew it wouldn't be.

So instead of meditating, he had breakfast with them. Even attempting to smile. 
Just to show her that he meant business. And it was all for nothing. She didn't 
need to have the point driven to her. She made the point clear to him.

And Okina told him otherwise. 

"She loves you," he said.

Aoshi argued. But his next words stopped him.

"You pride yourself for being perceptive? You only look at her,and not through 
her. You think she's fine? You only have to look through her eyes to see that 
you hurt her deeply. Talk to her, Aoshi. Work things out with her. You deserve 
the love you have for each other." 

***

***
I just wanna know what you're going through
I don't feel wrong about asking you
(But) I can't read your mind
Not this time
***      

***
But why was she crying? Why could he hear her sniffle behind the door?
Damn but he was confused. 

He raised his hand and held the edge of the door.

He had decided. 
***

***
There are times when you don't wanna say
That there are problems in your head that you can't explain
I have been that way
***

"Who are you?" she asked.

"It's Aoshi," he said in a strangled vocie. This was not his Misao. This pale 
tired sad woman in front of him. What did he do to her?  

"No, you are not him. I don't know you." 

She had told him that.  

Misao was surprised when her door slid open. She looked up and there was Aoshi 
standing before her. Looking at her. 

"It is me," he said.

And he knelt in front of her, gathering her in his arms. 

***
Baby, there's a hunger, a kiss or two
But not forever do
If only I'd reach you
***

Misao trembled as she felt his lips brush hers. So soft, so gentle. 

She pulled away.

"What are you doing to me?" she asked, tears falling down her face once again. 
"Why are you doing this to me? Do you hate me this much?"

Aoshi pained to hear her words. He felt her fists against his chest. She was 
beating at him. And he let her. If that could make her feel better.

Misao collapsed. Her face pressed close to his chest. And he pulled her even 
closer, putting his arms around her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his lips pressing kisses on the top of her head. "I'm 
sorry for telling those things. I'm sorry."

Misao cried.

"You told me you wanted me out of your life. That I should go on with mine. I 
wanted to. I wanted to forget you. I wanted to."

"And I wanted you to." 

***
Maybe I'm a child
Maybe I'm a woman
Maybe, I am old
Maybe I said something
Reasons - to push me away
Maybe I have laughed
Maybe I have cried
But never did I try to put hurt on your side
***

"Why?" she raised her face.  Aoshi saw the question in her eyes.

"I love you," she said. "I only wanted to see you smile. To see you happy 
again."

"No," he said. "Can't you see that I can't make you happy. Not me."

"How can you say that? You make me happy, and that is all that matters to me. 
Just to see you happy."

Aoshi swallowed hard. He couldn't bear to play hide and seek anymore. If this 
was his fate then so be it.

He closed his eyes.

"I love you." he said. "If you think I can make you happy, then."

He opened his eyes. He saw once again the tears in her eyes. But this time he 
saw that they were tears of happiness. Yes, there was uncertainty and perhaps 
even doubt that he was telling the truth. But there was the unmistakingly 
glitter of happiness. He smiled. This time, it was for real. One that came from 
the heart. He had succeeded in making her happy, finally.

He kissed her and this time she kissed back.

Misao sighed against his lips. This time it would be different. This time it 
would only be happiness for both of them. This time there was love, and there 
was joy that they don't have to hide any longer.
***
OWARI