In My Uncertainty Sano and Megumi Fic (Rurouni Kenshin) In My Uncertainty Unknown I choose to love you in my silence For in my silence, I find no rejection I choose to adore you in my loneliness For there, nobody owns you but I I choose to admire you from a distance For the distance shields me from pain I choose to kiss you in the wind For the wind is gentler than my lips I choose to imprison you in my thoughts For in my thoughts I can set you free I choose to love you in my dreams For in my dreams, there is no end. ****** Standard disclaimers apply. On the characters as well as the poem :) ****** /Hmph, there she goes again./ Sanosuke Sagara smirked while standing amidst the crowded marketplace with his hands in his pockets. To whom he's referring to? Ah, the Fox Lady. Megumi Takani was just pouting away from him, another result of one of their never ending taunts and arguments. As the rooster--er--gangster watched the lady doctor getting farther away from him by the minute, being covered once in a while by the ever growing customers in the busy street, his sneer-painted face slowly melted into a sadden, but yearning, look. I guess our big man is soft hearted, too, eh? And again, memories from weeks ago came crashing to his visions once more... Megumi tending Kenshin's wounds on his back... Softly spoken words that are blown by the winds... Ungraspable, yet intimate... Then, slowly, she rests her forehead on Kenshin's back... He was watching them from their farther left side, therefore not being able to see their faces. But, yet, this little action provoked a burning jealousy and an unknown pain piercing him deep in his chest. He stumbled onto them like that, but after then, he never showed these feelings to anybody for a very long time. Even to Kaoru who found him standing unmoving by the doorway. He didn't want to confront Kenshin about it because he's his friend, and that because he knew undoubtedly that the only woman Kenshin would ever want was Kaoru. Not to Megumi, because it would only start another heated argument between them. Lastly, it would only sound foolish. But it seems his pained feelings kept gnawing him inside. He then tore his gaze away, walking to the opposite direction, carrying his heavy feet though not knowing where to go, just not to that *other* direction. /Why am I feeling like this? Why to her, of all people?!?/ the tough man thought frustratedly. Well, like God, love works in mysterious ways. It just so happens that our guy here was struck by lightning on the very moment she entered that gambling room and pleaded for their help. /Okay, she's got the hair, the face, and definitely the body,/ Sanosuke contemplated,/but it's just not it! / "What the hell does she have that's so damn irresistible?!?" he whispered to himself hoarsely, raking his dark brown hair infuriatingly. A faint calling that became louder from behind suddenly distracted his speculations. "Hey Sano, where are you going?" Yahiko called, as he ran after him on the street. "Huh? Well, I--" Sano stuttered. "Well, aren't you coming with us for lunch in the Akabeko?" Yahiko asked impatiently. "Well..." Sano started, for the first time feeling a bit hesitant if he should join them on having lunch, free of charge. "Come on, we don't have all day! Besides, I'm starving already!" Yahiko exclaimed as he pulled the tall lad by the sleeve. During lunch, Sano was still thinking about the same woman since that morning. He wasn't paying much attention to his free food, just slowly nibbling and eating less than before, with a much lesser enthusiasm. /Well, there's nothing much appealing to her personality though. I know she's a potential suicidal woman.../ then contemplated a bit more, /But I guess after Kenshin convinced her that instead of taking her life, she might as well continue using her talent by helping other people. In that way she can atone for her wrongs. Well, I can't deny the fact that she's devoting herself into it, and doing really good.../ "Hey Sano, are you feeling ill or something?" Kaoru asked in a concerned tone. "Huh? Uh, no. No prob, Jou-chan." He replied, though the girl was not that convinced with his detached tone of voice. "Well, how come you haven't even finished your food? Your bowl is still half- full." Yahiko asked, eyeing him suspiciously. "Yes, Sano. It seems that something's troubling you very badly." Kenshin added in. "No, no! I'm alright, really!" Sano exclaimed, scratching the back his head and laughing foolishly. "No, I don't think so. I think you need a visit to Dr. Genzi's clinic." Kaoru said in an authoritative voice. "Wha--?" Sano was cut off when three pairs of arms suddenly pulled him outside the restaurant and into the street. /Ah, man! It means I have to see the fox then./ Sano panicked, though the thought of seeing Megumi thrilled him. /But then, it means I'll have to argue with her again. Why does it have to be like that when we meet? I can barely remember any conversation we had that is civilized. I guess that's the way we are. But I just wish for once not to argue with her and see what it's like. But then again, I'll just have to keep dreaming./ he thought ruefully. "C'mon, guys! I said I'm okay, aw'right!?" Sano exclaimed desperately, not being able to let go from the vice grips of Yahiko and Kaoru, and also taking notice of Kenshin's left hand lightly resting on his sakabatou. "Don't worry Sano. Once we get to the clinic, you'll be alright." Kenshin chided lightheartedly. At this point, our little gangster seemed to have no escape. "Ken-nii!!!" squealed the two children, Ayame and Suzume, from the clinic's doorway. "Hello, girls, where's your jiya?" Kenshin greeted cheerfully as he hunched down to their small height. "I'm sorry, but Dr. Genzai's not here right now, Ken-san. What can I do for you?" Megumi suddenly replied courteously coming from another room. Sano wasn't looking inside the room and kept staring stubbornly outside the doorway with his hands shoved in his pockets, though his arms where still hooked into Kaoru's and Yahiko's. But he's badly aware of the lady doctor's presence once she entered the room. When he heard her voice, he tried so hard to ignore it but was somehow mesmerized by her refined tone and could not resist to at least turn his eyes slightly to her without turning his head. "Well, Sano here looks ill and we're beginning to worry. Can you check him up?" Kenshin asked. "Why? Did he lose into another gamble again?" Megumi taunted, looking speculatively at Sano. /No, fox. I won't give in to your bait coz I'm not in the mood./ Sano said to himself indignantly, not replying to her taunt. "Well, it seems he's not eating very well during our lunch in the Akabeko, that's what I've observed." Kaoru implored. "Yeah, but if it's Kaoru's cooking, it's understandable." Yahiko jeered. "Why you--" Kaoru started, then grabbed the moment by hitting Yahiko on the head. /Well, he's silent today. Wonder what's going on?/ Megumi raised her brow slightly. After a pause, Megumi then motioned Sano into the other room. "I'll check him up, why don't you make yourselves comfortable here?" Megumi asked. "Thanks, Megumi." Kaoru replied, returning her attention to the doctor, while leaving Yahiko as he tended on his sore lump on the head. "Ken-nii! Let's play!" the two children cheered on. "First, let me check your hand." Megumi said, as both of them sat on the matted floor facing each other. Sano reached out with his right hand without looking at her and was gently inspected by Megumi. After feeling if ever there were still broken bones on any part of his hand, she started to remove the worn out bandages. There were a few old healing bruises, the result of the fight in Shishio's stronghold, that were much worse compared to those he attained from his smaller fights before. Shishio really made a mess with his right hand, leaving him inept to use it for some weeks, much less to fight. But the old wounds were slowly disappearing, though she noticed a fresh swelling around his knuckles. Megumi sighed, making Sano's head turn to her inquisitively. "Sano, didn't I tell you not to get engaged in any fights yet? Your hand is already healing steadily so don't ruin the process!" Megumi scolded firmly, as she wrap his wrist with a new set of clean linen. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Sano shrugged, not wanting to argue with her, but somehow feeling a bit grateful for Megumi's sincerity, though not at all gentle. Another lapse of silence. Megumi creased her brow in thought, as she made a side glance on his blank face, but noticing the mixed emotions that was evident in his deep cinnamon eyes. She was a bit surprised with Sano's agreement, but left the subject hanging. She then reached out for his forehead, and instinctively, Sano was starting to reach to remove his red band when she stopped him by placing her hand over his. "No, let me." Megumi offered. Sano was a bit surprised, but he let the fox get her way. Megumi then gently traced the edges of the band, slightly touching Sano's exposed skin, slowly getting to the back of his head to untie the knot, nearing to his frame at the process. As she does this, their faces, side by side, were scantly inches away from each other. Sano can feel the warm feathery breath of Megumi down his cheeks to his neck, sending warm currents creeping up his spine, giving him much difficulty in controlling his breathing. /Damn it fox, will you hurry up untying that thing!!/ Sano prayed desperately. Megumi noticed Sano's tenseness as his jaws clenched in agitation. His nearness suddenly assailed her senses, slightly catching her breath. Megumi then pulled away, a bit abruptly, just in time before Sano loses his will to keep still. She placed his red band gently on Sano's lap, which he caught, then reached for his forehead and dislodged the bandage. She pushed his hair away as she applied a bit of ointment on the almost healed bruise, which gave Sano a start, feeling a slight burning sensation on his forehead. "This will be my last application of the ointment. The cut is already healing so I'm hoping you won't use your forehead for head banging." Megumi exclaimed in a serious tone. Sano grinned, letting out a chuckle deep in his chest. Megumi was a bit startled with his reaction, but was able to overcome her composure at the moment. "Well, it seems that you're health is getting better. There are no infections whatsoever in your bruises and you're not having any fever. So, why is it that you're feeling ill?" Megumi questioned while fixing some things on the table. "No, I'm not feeling ill. Jou-chan and the others just insisted that I was looking ill." Sano said casually, while flexing and unflexing his right hand. Then stood up and tied back his band around his head. "So?" Megumi prodded, watching his back on her. Sano let out a deep breath then slightly inclined his head towards her, "So nothing." He began leaving the room, Megumi just following behind. The others looked up from their position and saw the both of them with inquiring looks. "His wounds are quickly healing so there's nothing to worry about." Sano heard Megumi from behind as he nears the door, "but I'm afraid I can never cure his lovesickness, I told you that before haven't I?" Megumi ridiculed, looking at Sano mischievously. Sano suddenly stopped at the door, with his hands in his pockets, then said without turning around. "Why don't you try catching the fever, Megumi. And see what it feels like." Megumi was speechless, her red lips forming a perfect 'o', her eyes wide with complete surprise. Sano smiled, knowing her reaction without looking at her. Then he followed coolly, "Thanks for checking me up. Ja." After a slight raise of his right hand over his shoulder, he left. A very agonizing pause followed. Then the tension broke. "Hey, what's with him?" Yahiko asked incredulously, a very surprised look on his face. The two younger children were also looking askance, not knowing what the adults were discussing. Kaoru's downcast head had her hand covering her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. And Kenshin, as usual, was displaying his innocent smile, but knowing deep inside what Sano was trying to imply. Again, the refined lady doctor was able to regain her composure for the second time. But unable to clear out the faint flush on her cheeks. She then mused to herself, thinking thoughts that were long hidden and firmly denied from others, as well as from herself, /Yes, maybe I'll have to take your word for it... roosterhead./ **OWARI** NOTES: After so many revisions ::phew!:: it's done!! Okay, I admit, the poem's a bit OOC. But I love it and I think it somehow fits both their feelings for each other, since they always fight and all to keep their true feelings from showing ::sheesh, what a drag:: But I still like them as a couple ^_^ I dunno who the author of the poem was, but if anybody knows, give me a buzz, k? And, by the way, I just love Sano's eyes... ::dreamy look on her face:: But nobody beats Aoshi-sama!! ^___^ hehe This one goes for Flori-dono (hwow, special... ~_^) I hope you liked it, thanks for reading, ja! :o) =>dyosa ^_^